Dedication

So something crazy happened the 14th of this month.

as some of you might know, I’ve had a pretty rough past with my sister, things haven’t always went the way we’ve thought they’d go and some people need more support and help from others. I’ve been there for her from the start, we had our explosive fights and such but as of the 14th we kinda made mends.I really don’t understand what got into me and what made me feel forgiving and accepting but the saying is true, DON’T FORCE THINGS TO HAPPEN, to push anyone in any direction, let them move at their own pace.That’s something I learned on my own and something I learned from one of my best friends’s mother.

See when you push someone to do something it only throws them off balance and when you force things to happen it only fucks things up more, sometimes you really just have to go with the flow, this was one of those situations.

I remember getting up early that day because I had to go pick up my little brother from where he was with them.They were trying to leave because they had a long drive home but secretly I’m sure it’s because they thought I’d be bitchy and quick to grab him or something so I just had my brother tell them to wait a little longer.

I decided to go to my store and pick out a pair of shoes for her.Just like me and half the world I know she’s had self esteem issues and I like to say that shoes are like the fairy dust to an outfit, to make an outfit just stand out and be really nice you need an amazing pair of shoes to go with it.So I bought her a pair of shoes to go out in so she could feel pretty and good about herself when she went out again.I went to where they were and gave her a note I had written to her that pretty much just stated that I know we fought and everything but I’ll never forget the times she stood up for me and defended me when I was little and so on..This is something major for me but I knew in my heart ever since the night I left home that I was going to talk to her again and fix things up in the future, forgiveness is tough for me but I know who truly needs to have that in their life and she’s one of them.It’s been a bumpy ride, but the storms settling.She taught me allot and there’s songs that take me back to when I was just a little kid and would go out with her or we’d listen to the radio and certain songs we’d like would come on like this one.

When someone can defend you and keep you safe while making sure you have fun, that’s real love.Fuck the past bullshit, everything happens for a reason.Regardless what anyone has done don’t ever forget the good fucking shit they’ve done for you EVER and if they’ve been the one to stand by you and be there for you, you remember that too when you think twice about forgiving them.If god’s willing to forgive you then you should be willing to forgive those that might of hurt you but helped you at the same time.

Something else big that I’d like to happen would be being taken as of July 16th by someone I’ve been crazy about for months now.Let me just say, the only thing I find funny is that….nevermind, I’ll wait till my birthday to say this lol.

I’m happy being taken, I always longed for someone that would love me as much as I loved them and be there for me whenever I need them and just try for me like I’d try for them. Pretty much a 50 50 type of relationship, not just me in it for the long run and them doing less the work, if that makes sense.

He definitely makes me happy and I’m glad the past is in the past and we can finally move forward step at a time this time.He’s the kind of guy that would give me and show me the world and I’d be the one to show him how it all works..He’s like my noah calhoon.I’d go into more detail but I can go on forever.

I’m difficult in relationships because my outlooks are very mature and extremely solid, but that’s what I’m here for, to teach people what’s right and wrong and how things work and why things fall in a certain order. Everyone knows how things work, no one just stops to think, that’s the problem.Anyways, I’m happy where I’m at right now, I realize I been beating myself up and trying to push myself hard in a direction without fully understanding some things and fully being comfortable, so again, I’m taking my slow ass time doing things to make sure I accomplish my goal at a certain time and make sure nothing comes in between it.

I guess maybe all of this had to take place before stepping foot back onto the ground? I feel like there isn’t much of a void to fill anymore, at least not right now, I’m pretty content.Let’s just keep things at this pace more, gotta stay optimistic, otherwise everything crumbles again. Lets see where all this goes

Love him (It's an earplug not a hearing aid lol)